q: Your Royal Highness, how prepared were you for the pressures that
came with marrying into the Royal Family? diana : At the old age of 19, you always think you ‘re prepared for everything, and you think you have the cognition of what ‘s coming ahead. But although I was daunted at the prospect at the meter, I felt I had the confirm of my husband-to-be. q : What were the expectations that you had for marry life ? a : I think like any marriage, specially when you ‘ve had divorced parents like myself, you ‘d want to try even harder to make it work and you do n’t want to fall back into a pattern that you ‘ve seen happen in your own family. I desperately wanted it to work, I urgently loved my husband and I wanted to share everything in concert, and I thought that we were a very estimable team.
q : How mindful were you of the meaning of what had happened to you ? After all, you ‘d become Princess of Wales, ultimately with a position to becoming Queen. a : I was n’t daunted, and am not daunted by the responsibilities that that function creates. It was a challenge, it is a challenge. As for becoming Queen, it ‘s, it was never at the vanguard of my judgment when I married my conserve : it was a long means off that think. The most daunting aspect was the media attention, because my conserve and I, we were told when we got engaged that the media would go quietly, and it did n’t ; and then when we were married they said it would go quietly and it did n’t ; and then it started to focus very a lot on me, and I seemed to be on the front of a newspaper every individual day, which is an isolating have, and the higher the media put you, place you, is the bigger the dangle. And I was very aware of that. q : How did you handle the transition from being Lady Diana Spencer to the most photograph, the most talked-about, woman in the populace ? a : well, it took a long clock to understand why people were then matter to in me, but I assumed it was because my husband had done a distribute of fantastic exploit leading up to our marriage and our relationship. But then I, during the years you see yourself as a thoroughly intersection that sits on a shelf and sells well, and people make a lot of money out of you. q : It ‘s been suggested in some newspapers that you were left largely to cope with your new condition on your own. Do you feel that was your experience ? a : yes I do, on expression. But then hera was a position which had n’t always happened before in history, in the common sense that the media were everywhere, and here was a fairy story that everybody wanted to work. And so it was, it was isolating, but it was besides a situation where you could n’t indulge in feel good-for-nothing for yourself : you had to either sink or swim. And you had to learn that identical fast. q : And what did you do ? a : I swam. We went to Alice Springs, to Australia, and we went and did a walkabout, and I said to my husband : ´What do I do now ? ‘ And he said, ´Go over to the early side and address to them. ‘ I said, ´I ca n’t, I just ca n’t. ‘ He said, ´Well, you ‘ve got to do it. ‘ And he went off and did his moment, and I went off and did my bite. It practically finished me off there and then, and I abruptly realised – I went back to our hotel room and realised the affect that, you know, I had to sort myself out. We had a six-week tour – four weeks in Australia and two weeks in New Zealand – and by the goal, when we flew second from New Zealand, I was a different person. I realised the feel of duty, the level of intensity of interest, and the demanding function I now found myself in. q : Were you overwhelmed by the pressure from people initially ? a : yes, I was identical daunt because a far as I was concerned I was a fat, chubby, 20-year-old, 21-year-old, and I could n’t understand the level of interest. q : At this early degree, would you say that you were happily married ? a : very much then. But, the atmospheric pressure on us both as a match with the media was phenomenal, and misunderstood by a big many people. We ‘d be going round Australia, for case, and all you could hear was, oh, she ‘s on the other side. now, if you ‘re a man, like my husband a proud man, you mind about that if you hear it every day for four weeks. And you feel broken about it, alternatively of feeling happy and sharing it. q : When you say ´she ‘s on the other side ‘, what do you mean ? a : well, they were n’t on the right english to wave at me or to touch me. q : so they were expressing a preference even then for you rather than your husband ? a : Yes – which I felt very uncomfortable with, and I felt it was unfair, because I wanted to contribution. q : But were you flattered by the media attention particularly ? a : nobelium, not peculiarly, because with the media attention came a distribute of jealousy, a bang-up deal of complicated situations arose because of that. q : At this early stage in your marriage, what role did you see for yourself as Princess of Wales ? Did you have an mind of the character that you might like to fulfill ? a : no, I was identical confused by which area I should go into. then I found myself being more and more byzantine with people who were rejected by company – with, I ‘d say, drug addicts, alcoholism, battered this, battered that – and I found an affinity there. And I respected very a lot the honesty I found on that degree with people I met, because in hospices, for example, when people are dying they ‘re a lot more overt and more vulnerable, and much more real than other people. And I appreciated that. q : Had the Palace given any think to the function that you might have as Princess of Wales ? a : no, no one sat me down with a piece of wallpaper and said : ´This is what is expected of you. ‘ But there again, I ‘m lucky enough in the fact that I have found my character, and I ‘m very conscious of it, and I love being with people. q : so you identical much created the role that you would pursue for yourself actually ? That was what you did ? a : I think so. I remember when I used to sit on hospital beds and hold people ‘s hands, people used to be sort of shocked because they said they’d never seen this before, and to me it was quite a normal thing to do. And when I saw the reassurance that an carry through like that gave, I did it everywhere, and will always do that. q : It was n’t long after the wedding before you became pregnant. What was your reaction when you learnt that the child was a boy ? a : enormous respite. I felt the whole state was in british labour party with me. enormous relief. But I had actually known William was going to be a boy, because the scan had shown it, so it caused no surprise. q : Had you always wanted to have a family ? a : yes, I came from a syndicate where there were four of us, so we had enormous fun there. And then William and Harry arrived – fortunately two boys, it would have been a fiddling slippery if it had been two girls – but that in itself brings the responsibilities of bringing them up, William ‘s future being as it is, and Harry like a mannequin of a back-up in that aspect. q : How did the rest of the Royal Family react when they learnt that the child that you were to have was going to be a boy ? a : well, everybody was thrilled to bits. It had been quite a difficult pregnancy – I had n’t been very well throughout it – then by the time William arrived it was a great easing because it was all peaceful again, and I was well for a prison term. then I was ailing with post-natal depressive disorder, which no matchless ever discusses, post-natal depression, you have to read about it afterwards, and that in itself was a bite of a difficult meter. You ‘d wake up in the good morning feeling you didn’t want to get out of bed, you felt misunderstood, and equitable very, very low in yourself. q : Was this wholly out of character for you ? a : yes, very much so. I never had had a depression in my life sentence. But then when I analysed it I could see that the changes I ‘d made in the stopping point year had all caught up with me, and my torso had said : ´We want a rest. ‘ q : So what treatment did you actually receive ? a : I received a big deal of discussion, but I knew in myself that actually what I needed was space and prison term to adapt to all the unlike roles that had come my way. I knew I could do it, but I needed people to be affected role and give me the space to do it. q : When you say all of the unlike roles that had come your way, what do you mean ? a : well, it was a very short quad of clock : in the outer space of a year my whole life had changed, turned top down, and it had its fantastic moments, but it besides had challenge moments. And I could see where the rough edges needed to be smoothed. q : What was the family ‘s reaction to your post-natal natural depression ? a : Well possibly I was the beginning person always to be in this kin who ever had a depression or was ever openly dolorous. And obviously that was daunting, because if you ‘ve never seen it before how do you support it ? q : What effect did the depression have on your marriage ? a : good, it gave everybody a fantastic new label – Diana ‘s unstable and Diana ‘s mentally unbalance. And unfortunately that seems to have stuck on and off over the years. q : Are you saying that that label stuck within your marriage ? a : I think people used it and it stuck, yes. q : According to crusade reports, it was suggested that it was around this time things became so difficult that you actually tried to injure yourself. a : Mmm. When no one listens to you, or you feel no one ‘s listening to you, all sorts of things start to happen. For example you have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outdoor because you want avail, but it ‘s the wrong help you’re asking for. People see it as crying wolf or attention-seeking, and they think because you ‘re in the media all the time you ‘ve got enough attention, anatropous comma. But I was actually crying out because I wanted to get well in orderliness to go forward and continue my duty and my character as wife, mother, Princess of Wales. so yes, I did inflict upon myself. I did n’t like myself, I was ashamed because I could n’t cope with the pressures. q : What did you actually do ? a : well, I just hurt my arms and my legs ; and I work in environments now where I see women doing similar things and I ‘m able to understand completely where they ‘re coming from. q : What was your conserve ‘s reaction to this, when you began to injure yourself in this direction ? a : well, I did n’t actually always do it in front of him. But obviously anyone who loves person would be very implicated about it. q : Did he understand what was behind the physical act of hurting yourself, do you think ? a : no, but then not many people would have taken the time to see that. q : Were you able to admit that you were in fact ailing, or did you feel compelled just to carry on performing as the Princess of Wales ? a : I felt compelled to perform. Well, when I say perform, I was compelled to go out and do my engagements and not let people down and support them and love them. And in a way by being out in public they supported me, although they weren’t aware good how much healing they were giving me, and it carried me through. q : But did you feel that you had to maintain the public effigy of a successful princess of Wales ? a : yes I did, yes I did. q : The low was resolved, as you say, but it was subsequently reported that you suffered bulimia. Is that on-key ? a : yes, I did. I had bulimia for a number of years. And that ‘s like a secret disease. You inflict it upon yourself because your self-esteem is at a low ebb, and you do n’t think you ‘re desirable or valuable. You fill your stomach up four or five times a day – some do it more – and it gives you a feeling of quilt. It ‘s like having a pair of arms around you, but it ‘s temporarily, irregular. then you ‘re disgusted at the bloatedness of your stomach, and then you bring it all up again. And it ‘s a repetitive practice which is identical destructive to yourself. q : How much would you do that on a daily basis ? a : Depends on the pressures going on. If I ‘d been on what I call an awayday, or I ‘d been up share of the state all day, I ‘d come home feel pretty empty, because my engagements at that time would be to do with people dying, people identical sick, people ‘s marriage problems, and I ‘d come dwelling and it would be very unmanageable to know how to comfort myself having been comforting lots of other people, so it would be a regular pattern to jump into the electric refrigerator. It was a symptom of what was going on in my marriage. I was crying out for assistant, but giving the wrong signals, and people were using my bulimia as a coat on a hanger : they decided that was the problem – Diana was mentally ill. q : alternatively of looking behind the symptom at the causal agent. a : Uh, uh. q : What was the induce ? a : The cause was the situation where my husband and I had to keep everything together because we did n’t want to disappoint the public, and so far obviously there was a distribute of anxiety going on within our four walls.
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q : Do you mean between the two of you ? a : Uh, uh. q : And so you subjected yourself to this phase of gorge and vomit ? a : You could say the parole subjected, but it was my evasion mechanism, and it worked, for me, at that meter. q : Did you seek avail from any other members of the Royal Family ? a : no. You, you have to know that when you have bulimia you ‘re very ashamed of yourself and you hate yourself, so – and people think you ‘re wasting food – so you do n’t discuss it with people. And the thing about bulimia is your weight constantly stays the same, whereas with anorexia you visibly shrink. So you can pretend the hale way through. There’s no proof. q : When you say people would think you were wasting food, did anybody suggest that to you ? a : Oh yes, a issue of times. q : What was said ? a : well, it was just, ´I suppose you ‘re going to waste that food by and by on ? ‘ And that was pressure in itself. And of course I would, because it was my turn valve. q : How long did this bulimia go on for ? a : A long prison term, a long meter. But I ‘m free of it now. q : Two years, three years ? a : Mmm. A little bit more than that. q : According to reports in the national crush, it was at around this time that you began to experience difficulties in your marriage, in your kinship to the Prince of Wales. Is that true ? a : well, we were a newly-married copulate, then obviously we had those pressures excessively, and we had the media, who were wholly fascinated by everything we did. And it was unmanageable to share that load, because I was the one who was always pitched out front, whether it was my clothes, what I said, what my hair was doing, everything – which was a pretty muffle subject, actually, and it ‘s been exhausted over the years – when actually what we wanted to be, what we wanted supported was our ferment, and as a team. q : What effect did the press concern in you have on your marriage ? a : It made it very difficult, because for a site where it was a copulate working in the lapp job – we got out the same car, we shook the same pass, my husband did the speeches, I did the handshake – so basically we were a married couple doing the same caper, which is very difficult for anyone, and more so if you ve got all the attention on you. We struggled a act with it, it was very unmanageable ; and then my conserve decided that we do separate engagements, which was a bite sad for me, because I quite liked the company. But, there again, I did n’t have the choice. q : So it was n’t at your request that you did that on your own ? a : not at all, no. q : The biography of the Prince of Wales written by Jonathan Dimbleby, which as you know was published last year, suggested that you and your conserve had very different outlooks, very different interests. Would you agree with that ? a : nobelium. I think we had a capital conduct of interest – we both like people, both like country animation, both loved children, exercise in the cancer field, work in hospices. But I was portrayed in the media at that fourth dimension, if I remember rightly, as person, because I had n’t passed any O-levels and taken any A-levels, I was unintelligent. And I made the grave err once of saying to a child I was chummy as a plank, in order to ease the child ‘s nervousness, which it did. But that headline went all round the world, and I rather regret saying it. q : The Prince of Wales, in the biography, is described as a great thinker, a man with a fantastic range of interests. What did he think of your interests ? a : well, I do n’t think I was allowed to have any. I think that I ‘ve constantly been the 18-year-old girl he got engaged to, so I do n’t think I ‘ve been given any recognition for growth. And, my good, I ‘ve had to grow. q : Explain what you mean when you say that. a : well, er … q : When you say, when you say you were never given any citation, what do you mean ? a : well anything good I ever did cipher always said a thing, never said, ´well done ‘, or ´was it OK ? ‘ But if I tripped up, which constantly I did, because I was new at the game, a long ton of bricks came down on me. q : How did you cope with that ? a : good obviously there were lots of tears, and one could dive into the bulimia, into escape. q : Some people would find that difficult to believe, that you were left so much to cope on your own, and that the description you give suggests that your relationship with your conserve was not very good even at that early stage. a : good, we had alone pressures put upon us, and we both tried our heavily to cover them up, but obviously it was n’t to be. q : Around 1986, again according to the biography written by Jonathan Dimbleby about your husband, he says that your husband renewed his relationship with Mrs Camilla Parker-Bowles. Were you aware of that ? a : yes I was, but I was n’t in a position to do anything about it. q : What testify did you have that their relationship was continuing even though you were married ? a : Oh, a woman ‘s instinct is a very good one. q : Is that all ? a : well, I had, obviously I had cognition of it. q : From staff ? a : well, from people who minded and cared about our marriage, yes. q : What effect did that have on you ? a : pretty devastating. rampant bulimia, if you can have rampant bulimia, and fair a spirit of being no good at anything and being useless and hopeless and failed in every management. q : And with a conserve who was having a kinship with person else ? a : With a conserve who loved person else, yes. q : You very thought that ? a : Uh, uh. I did n’t think that, I knew it. q : How did you know it ? a : By the deepen of behavioral design in my husband ; for all sorts of reasons that a woman ‘s instinct produces ; you merely know. It was already unmanageable, but it became increasingly difficult. q : In the practical feel, how did it become unmanageable ? a : well, people were – when I say people I mean friends, on my husband’s side – were indicating that I was again unstable, ghastly, and should be put in a home of some screen in order to get better. I was about an embarrassment. q : Do you think he very thought that ? a : well, there ‘s no better way to dismantle a personality than to isolate it. q : so you were isolated ? a : Uh, uh, very a lot so. q : Do you think Mrs Parker-Bowles was a factor in the breakdown of your marriage ? a : good, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a act crowd. q : You ‘re effectively living separate lives, so far in public there ‘s this appearance of this happily married royal couple. How was this regarded by the Royal Family ? a : I think everybody was very anxious because they could see there were complications but did n’t want to interfere, but were there, made it known that they were there if required. q : Do you think it was accepted that one could live effectively two lives – one in individual and one in public ? a : no, because again the media was identical concerned about our set-up, turn back comma ; when we went abroad we had divide apartments, albeit we were on the lapp floor, so of class that was leaked, and that caused complications. But Charles and I had our duty to perform, and that was overriding. q : so in a common sense you coped with this, these two lives, because of your duty ? a : Uh, uh. And we were a identical dear team in populace ; albeit what was going on in secret, we were a beneficial team. q : Some people would find that difficult to reconcile. a : well, that ‘s their trouble. I know what it felt like. q : The Queen describe 1992 as her ´annus horribilis ‘, and it was in that class that Andrew Morton ‘s koran about you was published. Did you ever meet Andrew Morton or personally help him with the script ? a : I never met him, no. q : dress you ever personally assist him with the writing of his bible ? a : A lot of people saw the distress that my life was in, and they felt it was a supportive thing to help in the way that they did. q : Did you allow your friends, your conclusion friends, to speak to Andrew Morton ? a : yes, I did. Yes, I did. q : Why ? a : I was at the end of my leash. I was desperate. I think I was then fed up with being seen as person who was a basket-case, because I am a very strong person and I know that causes complications in the system that I live in. q : How would a book change that ?
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a : I do n’t know. possibly people have a better understand, possibly there ‘s a batch of women out there who suffer on the lapp flush but in a different environment, who are ineffective to stand up for themselves because their self-esteem is cut into two. I do n’t know.